Do you trust me yet?
I’ve felt this whisper from God many times over the last few weeks. It has been a difficult time of clinging to him as he has led me through a little bit of a valley. His plan has been so, so different than mine, but it has been perfect. Every time when it feels like my faith can’t go any farther and I start thinking about ways to do it myself, God provides. It’s as if God bends down, takes my chin in his hand, looks me in the eye, and says: “I told you I would provide. Do you trust me yet?” Then he holds out his hand and invites me to come and follow him further down this path. He is a kind and patient and loving father, and I am so thankful that even when I want to give up, he never gives up.
I was looking for a job for two months. It was long past the date I had hoped to find a job by. I’d interviewed and applied at countless jobs. I was one day away from giving up completely. At the moment I felt the most discouraged, I got a phone call. In a way that was truly God-like, the job was dropped into my lap.
Do you trust me yet?
In the midst of searching for a job, there were times when I would start crying with the stress of money. How long could I keep paying for gas without a job? I hated pulling money from my travel fund. Then my brother offered to buy a tank of gas to help me out. God provided again.
Do you trust me yet?
Two weeks of working had passed, and I was pretty sure I was supposed to get a paycheck. I hadn’t seen anything come in, and I needed to buy a tank of gas and my notice for vehicle registration came in the mail. What else was in the mail? The paycheck I’d been missing. It was enough to cover the tank of gas, the registration, and have a little bit left over.
Do you trust me yet?
I was in charge of gathering some donations and gifts for a friend of mine moving back overseas. It was the day before the deadline, and there were still several things that had not been signed up for. Then, someone signed up to donate those. Everything was taken care of.
Do you trust me yet?
Yes, God. Okay, I get the point. You are able to provide. I trust you.
Then my car needed repair. I dropped it off with the mechanic. A couple hours later I got a phone call. The repairs were extensive and would cost a hefty amount of money. Money I had saved up, but it still caused a wave of panic when I heard.
Do you trust me yet?
Yes, God. I choose to trust you.
Knowing myself, I probably still don’t fully “get it.” This has been a faith-testing time for me. It’s been a time of growing. My prayer is that these experiences will fuel my faith to last longer the next time…whenever that is and whatever God has in store for me.
Do you trust me yet? God wants us to trust him as he leads us down the path he has for us. Wouldn’t it be better to take his hand and let him lead us than to go kicking and screaming and find out he was right in the end?
God, help me to trust you more.