Last semester in my psychology class, we talked about the phrase “cognitive dissonance.” This is the internal discomfort you feel when your actions do not match your beliefs and words. In other words, it is knowing you are a hypocrite and being uncomfortable with your hypocrisy.
And so when I started reading When Helping Hurts for school this week, this phrase was the first thing that came to mind. I kid you not, a matter of days, probably only hours, before I picked up this book, I agreed to help out administratively with the annual Mexico missions trip our church sends. We take a team down to Mexico for 48 hours and build a house (a shed to an American mind). While we are exposed to poverty and we are “doing something about it,” the primary goal of the ministry is to open people’s eyes to the great commission command and mobilize people for missions.
But then I picked up this book. And I have to wonder if the stated purpose is veiling the harm that can be done by this ministry at the same time. And I wonder if I am being a hypocrite when I affirm what the book is saying but turn around and help to run a trip that does just the kind of thing the book speaks against.
We usually are a bunch of (young) Americans who have (most of the time) no real understanding of construction and no real understanding of cultural nuances. We come in for a day, build a house, and leave. We never have contact with the family, we don’t know the language (usually), and so are unable to sow any spiritual seeds, and (from what I can tell) we don’t get the family connected to a local church (which I am growing more and more convinced would lead to long-lasting fruit). Then we come back to our church with photos and videos, stories of the poverty we encountered and how we helped to fix it, looking like heroes to the rest of the congregation who did this wonderful thing for this family.
And here is the tension: on the other hand I have seen this ministry spark fires for missions in the hearts of those who attend. I have been spurred on myself through this ministry! I’ve seen eyes opened and hearts awakened to the command of the great commission. I’ve seen people get a glimpse for the bigness and brokenness of the world.
On the one hand, I want to resist the program. Back out of helping with administration. Fight against sending any more trips. But on the other hand, I want people to still have this opportunity for their eyes to be opened. I just want to do it with some kind of meaningful training and debrief so that the focus isn’t on the heroism of building a house for a poor family…but is that even possible?
I don’t have answers, formulas, or solutions. At this point, I don’t even have suggestions. My hands feel tied as I wrestle with this mental discomfort. I don’t know what I am supposed to do moving forward. I don’t like the muck and mud that I sit in of tension and hypocrisy and unease and discomfort. It doesn’t feel pleasant.
On the one hand, I am sorry for dragging you into this mess with me by posting these thoughts. But on the other hand, I don’t want to walk through this tension and discomfort alone, and I am grateful that you have willingly read these thoughts. Maybe together we can find a better way forward. Or we can just sit here together and lament the messiness and brokenness of world that sometimes finds its way into our lives, wrapping us in tension and discomfort and refusing to let us close our eyes to the pain.
Important and profound reflections. You’re correct to feel confused, concerned and wanting to approach “helping” in a truly helpful way. This is the dilemma of wealthy, white people “helping others” in places of having “less” material things (but having more of non material things like grace, relationships, etc.).
I pray God give you wisdom, understanding, and the ability to lead the team in ways of deeper humility and understanding.
I hope somehow you’ll have moments to talk to some of the Mexican staff or neighbors. Maybe have a Mexican person do some orientation or tell their story beforehand. It would be great if the participants could begin to see the bigger picture and like you begin to understand the downsides of a trip like that. Not ideal but still a blessing? Still an activity in which God is at work in multiple ways.
God give you ideas, wisdom, and God’s love.
You are such a deep thinker, my girl! You wrestle and grapple with so many big issues. I know you are in a tough spot with this trip, but I’m glad you are willing to sit in an uncomfortable place in order to learn and grow and serve.
I love what Dave said above: “I pray God give you wisdom, understanding, and the ability to lead the team in ways of deeper humility and understanding.”
I’m going to join him in that prayer for you and Jordan and the team. God is at work in this!